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Where's That Special Holiday Spirit?

Dr. Michele Marsh
December 21, 2009

It happened on October 24. A fairly routine trip to Home Depot, looking for houseplants and light bulbs, maybe some extra potting soil. And there it was, what seemed like a full acre of red and green holiday displays and ornamentation! The Halloween goblin ate up my holiday spirit right there, before it had a chance to emerge.

For many of us, that special holiday spirit can be a bit elusive at times. We enjoy Thanksgiving, that warm, especially American family holiday; we’re full of good food and up to date on all the family’s shenanigans. Hopefully we’re not too daunted by the ongoing dynamics we all face with relatives, in-laws, or, as my Dad used to say in good humor, “outlaws” who sat around the table. But as soon as December looms, we can begin to feel burdened by what feel like necessary lists of gift-shopping, housecleaning, decorating, and holiday planning. Many ask, “Where’s that special holiday spirit I’m supposed to feel?”

As described by my colleague Matt Purinton in last month’s Thanksgiving Tip article, good self-care, both physical and psychological, is essential at this time of year. Here are some hints for finding your best holiday spirit, both inside and out.

1. Spirituality check-up. This is a great time to review which holidays you truly want to celebrate and what they mean to you. Reflect on the values the holidays represent. Whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, Christmas or Ashura, a few minutes of sincere introspection will lead you to the simple truths you hold dear, and how important they are in your life. If those values are not reflected in those long lists you’ve made, it’s time to move to Step Two.



2. Choose commitments carefully. It’s not too late to scale back a bit, trimming your obligations or revising how you will fulfill them. Even if you’ve already invited people to celebrate with you, it’s not too late to redesign how you really wish to celebrate with them, and even solicit their help. Concentrate on what’s truly important to you and your family.



3. Give to the needy. No matter how unfortunate you may feel due to market disasters, trimmed hours, reduced compensation at work, or a physical ailment marring your holidays, there is almost always someone more troubled right around the corner. A favorite memory of my Dad was his annual Thanksgiving exhortation to our family, before the fabulous meal, to remember at the holiday season to help others less fortunate. Doing so may help you recover what holiday spirit truly means to you, no matter how much you can afford. Volunteering your time for a lonely neighbor or elderly relative can help you to be grateful for whatever blessings you do enjoy during this season.



4. Strive for simplicity when you can. Although trying not to sound like Scrooge, I encourage everyone to trim down your efforts even when trying to fulfill hallowed holiday traditions. A most reassuring quote from my Dad: “Just do your best; don’t go overboard!” Some ideas:
   • Simplify gift-wrapping: sometimes a beautiful ribbon will do.
   • Gifts of an “experience” are fun and enrich your relationships. Treating a friend to lunch might be more valuable to them than receiving yet another gift.
   • Handmade coupons for services to come will give loved ones something special to anticipate during the cold winter months: their favorite meal, a date to the movies, promise to get a babysitter at least once a month, home-delivered food for elderly relatives, will all be refreshing and welcome gifts when they arrive—later.
   • Charitable gifts - especially to your relatives’ favorite causes—are gaining traction even in the most traditional of families. Some people really do have just about everything they need, and would appreciate your sensitivity to their values if you contribute in their name to a worthy cause.
   
   
   
5. Self-nourishment. By Jan. 2 it’s not uncommon to hear: “I really wanted to”: take a day off by myself, go for more walks, see my best friend, curl up with a good book, visit my great-aunt, etc. People sometimes feel a sense of exhaustion and diminished spirit after the holidays when they have not taken the chance, even in small ways, to nourish the soul.

   Make sure you think about your own spiritual needs. Whether this means going to Church, Synagogue or Mosque, taking a solitary walk or one with your partner, reading an inspirational book, gazing at the night sky or listening to special music, whatever nourishes your own soul will help you recharge during and after the holiday season. Remembering and honoring deceased family members can also be a part of the season and can actually help the family feel more authentic in celebration, even while missing lost loved ones.




6. GREEN your celebrations. You may add to your holiday satisfactions by “going green”: minimizing waste, wrapping gifts in the funny papers (another of my Dad’s favorites!), recycling all the boxes and bottles, or donating unused gifts to your favorite shelter or charity. Making a simple gift to the earth could help you feel generous and virtuous!

Now it’s time to search the attic for those favorite decorations, and try to be realistic with my own expectations…..Here’s hoping you have a wonderful, meaningful and relaxing holiday season!

Note: Throughout this article, the author refers to some favorite holiday lessons from her beloved Dad, Jim Marsh, who continues to have a lasting impact on her. With much wisdom, love and acceptance, he never complained when “the girls” took over the kitchen to bake cookies until the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes the answer to “What’s for dinner?” turned out to be dessert!

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Dr. Michele Marsh is a Senior Staff Therapist and Director of CFR's Center City, Wynnewood and Bryn Mawr offices. She can be reached at 215-575-9140 x1.

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