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Tips For The Holidays:
When Someone You Love Is Gay

Wanda Sevey, MDiv
November 28, 2005

We all know that there are many different ways of being a family. When a loved one shares their gay, lesbian or bisexual (glb) orientation with their family, some family members may be completely comfortable and accepting. While other members of the family may find the news difficult or disturbing. Those are two opposite reactions, but many of us might find ourselves somewhere in the middle. We're not completely comfortable - we have feelings, thoughts, concerns and questions that may need to be explored. Thinking ahead about your holiday gatherings might help you, your family and most especially your glb loved one feel more relaxed and able to enjoy the celebration. Here are some thoughts to guide you: 

1. Remember that your loved one is the same person as before! You simply have more information about their life than you had previously. 





2. Keep in mind that your loved one has shared information about their orientation because they love you. They want you to know who they are. Most likely, they simply want and hope for a more honest and open relationship with you. For many glb people, keeping their orientation a secret from family creates distance and walls, and most of them want to close that gap.





3. Know that your loved one is probably feeling uncomfortable. They may be anxious about your reaction. Both of you are exploring new territory in your relationship with each other. Try to stay as open and comfortable as you can.





4. Respect your loved one and treat them the same as any other member of the family.





5. Give yourself time to adjust to this new information. You can be honest with your questions and concerns.





6. Find support. One place to start is with the organization, Parents And Friends of Lesbians and Gays. You can find them on the web at www.pflag.org. You'll find additional tips for the holidays as well as other helpful information. 

The hallmarks of the holiday season are love, joy, hope and being with family and friends. No matter where you are on your family journey, make your time together a time to connect and bring you closer.

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Wanda Sevey, MDiv, is a Senior Staff Therapist and the Assistant Director of CFR's New Jersey offices. She can be reached at 856-783-4200 ext. 4.

For more relationship advice, check out our Archive of Relationship Tips.