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Family Vacations and Relationship Stress

Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, PhD
August 8, 2005

August is here. And families are heading for vacations. Although family vacations are much-anticipated events, they can also put some stress on a couple's relationship. There are several reasons for this. 

Usually, on trips there is a complete change in schedule. Couples who normally spend a few hours together every day may end up spending the whole day together. It is very difficult for couples to agree on all the decisions to be made during the day. Secondly, there is the additional burden planning and organizing events for the children in the family. Parents often feel tired and overwhelmed at the end of the day. There is always a good chance that things may not go as planned because of the individual needs of family members or other factors and this greatly increases the chance for conflicts. 

So, what can you do to improve your odds and stack the deck in your favor to minimize stress and maximize fun and relaxation? Here are some tips:

• Discuss ahead of time and plan a few activities that you and your partner enjoy. You do not have to plan all activities for the children. 

• Remind yourselves that traveling with little children, although stressful, is a short stage in your relationship. As children grow up, family vacations may not be as stressful. 

• If you are disappointed about missing an activity or sight that was important to you, bring it up in a direct but non-confrontational manner with your partner.

• When there are setbacks (which you should expect) during the vacation, resist the temptation to blame each other. Remember that years from now when you recall the event, you are going to laugh about it. Why not laugh about it now? Humor is the best stress reliever. 

• When you are traveling with children, do not over-schedule. Fatigue brings out the worst in adults and children. 

• Set aside some quiet adult time after children have gone to sleep for a glass of wine, cuddle and conversation. Couples who maintain physical and emotional intimacy are more resilient in dealing with stressors. 

Enjoy the rest of your summer, and make precious memories on your vacations!

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Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, PhD is a senior staff therapist at Council for Relationships. She practices individual, couple and sex therapy at the Wynnewood and Graduate Hospital locations. She can be reached at (610) 642-2648, ext. 8 and (215) 893-6517.

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