Home > Helpful Resources > Tip of the Week Articles

TIP OF THE WEEK ARTICLES

Help! My Teenage Son is Driving Me Crazy!

Ray Fisher, LCSW
December 8, 2008

I recently received a call from a mother who was having difficulty managing her teenage son's behavior. She began to describe some of his behavior, which included increased anger, profanity, and talking back to her and other adults, especially at school. She stated that she was "at the end of her rope" and needed help in getting her son to change his behavior. After scheduling the appointment, I thought about this call and how often I hear from parents regarding their sons who are having difficulty expressing their feelings in a way that doesn't result in their getting into trouble or conflict with others.

One thing I have become aware of in my work with adolescent males is that parents often struggle with the ways in which their sons express their feelings and often get caught up in correcting them rather than trying to actually hear or explore what their sons are saying. Following are four strategies that might help you improve your relationship with the young man in your life:

1. First, take a step back and breathe deeply, remember that even though your son isn't communicating with you the way you would hope, the fact that he is trying to communicate is extremely important.
   
   
2. Acknowledge your son's feelings. Accept and acknowledge his feelings instead of questioning his feelings or giving advice. Tell him that he has a right to his feelings. We all do.
   
   
3. Help him give his feelings a name. Most boys express their feelings as anger or aggression, but that doesn't mean that there isn't something else beneath the surface. Often there is. Parents should help their sons develop a "feelings vocabulary" to give them more ways to describe and label how and what they are actually experiencing.
   
   
4. Listen with full attention. Don't try to mentally prepare your side of the argument as your son is speaking. Try to listen fully and deeply.