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What is Sexual Addiction or Compulsive Sexual Behavior?

Jordan Lief, PsyD
March 17, 2008

People often wonder what sexual addiction is and what it isn't. At its core, sexual addiction involves the compulsive use of sexual behavior to medicate unwanted or intolerable emotional experiences. There are those who do not believe that sexual behavior can be addictive or they do not like the term "sex addiction." Therefore, I often refer to the work that I do as the treatment of "compulsive sexual behavior." The terms are interchangeable.

One misconception about sex addiction is that it is the same thing as pedophilia or sexual interest in children. This is rarely the case. Most often, sex addiction does not involve fantasies about children, although there is a small subset of sex addicts who do have those fantasies, and an even smaller subset who act on those fantasies. Most sex addicts are adults who have compulsive behavior that involves other adults.

When I assess a client for sex addiction, I go over a list of over thirty different behaviors that can be potentially addictive. The most common behaviors that I see are compulsive masturbation, compulsive viewing of pornography, compulsive infidelity, and compulsive cybersex, although there are many others. Simply because someone engages in one or more of these behaviors on occasion, does not mean they are necessarily a sex addict. For a diagnosis of sex addiction, the behavior must be compulsive in nature, and most often it is medicating some sort of underlying negative emotional experience. Such experiences can include depression, anxiety, anger, loneliness, guilt, and shame, among others.

It is important to realize that most sex addicts are people in pain. They engage in their behaviors most often because it is the only time when they can gain some temporary relief from the challenging emotions mentioned above. Most, but not all, sex addicts have experienced some sort of trauma or abuse in their lives, especially in their childhood. This can include emotional abuse, emotional neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or a combination of these. This fact, in no way, absolves the addict from the responsibility for their behaviors. Proper treatment of sex addiction involves understanding the causes of the behavior and taking proper responsibility for the damage that the behavior has caused. Sex addiction has negative consequences not only for the addict him/herself, but also for the people in the addict's life, especially family members and loved ones. Their pain and their losses as a result of the addiction must also be addressed in the course of the treatment.

If you or someone you care about is concerned about sex addiction, here are a few helpful suggestions:

• Visit SexHelp.com, Sexaholics Anonymous, and/or Sex Addicts Anonymous.
• Pick up either of the following books by Patrick Carnes, PhD:
• Seek professional help with a therapist who has specific experience and training in the diagnosis and treatment of sex addiction.

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Jordan Lief, PsyD is a Staff Therapist at CFR's Wynnewood office and can be reached at 610-642-2648 ext. 6.

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