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Working 9 to 9 and Recharging Relationships

Kenneth M. Maguire, PsyD
November 24, 2008

Every day I speak with people who seem to be commuting farther and working longer days. We are all worried about the uncertain economy and are trying to keep up with the steady stream of bills and plan for even later retirements than our parents and grandparents. It may seem impossible to recharge relationships in the middle of all this, but it can be done! Whether starting a new relationship, juggling work and the kids' activities or celebrating an anniversary, making quality time for our relationships is necessary. As a couples and individuals' therapist, one of the main stresses I hear every day is, "When we're spending all this time working, how do we keep our relationships alive and energized?"

The key is to focus on the small things. The end result of many small reminders that you love someone is enormous. There are often simple, quick, free or inexpensive things you can do that show your partner that you're paying attention, that you care and that you value the relationship. The small things are quick reminders of the commitment and companionship you share, and a refreshing refuel of the love and support that keeps you going. For example, a short email, text message, or phone call in the middle of the day to remind someone you love them goes a long way. It's a great feeling to get a sweet, funny or romantic message in the middle of a crazy day. It also helps remind us that we are working to live and not living to work.

When you get home, try your best to turn off your iPhone, Blackberry and email. While technology is wonderful and useful to help us be productive, we're seeing more and more how some of our ties to our gadgets and work are actually damaging our relationships and our ability to focus on our loved ones. When you're home, try to "be home." And be sure to take some time every day, even just 10 to 15 minutes, when you get home to ask your partner about how their day went, talk about how your day went, or just hold one another.

Life is busy. No doubt about that. Reminding those we love that we do love them, in small ways every day, is important in the hectic pace of life. It's important for them as well as for you. So, start practicing now - take a moment to reach out to your loved one and recharge your relationship.

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Dr. Kenneth M. Maguire is a Senior Staff Therapist at CFR's Institute for Sex Therapy and the Oxford Valley office and can be reached at 267-479-2391.

For more relationship advice, check out our Archive of Relationship Tips.