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Feelings Vocabulary

Ray Fisher, LCSW
July 20, 2009

Recently, I was watching an interview with a popular actor. He was talking about being sad and upset by the way he was being treated by another actor. During the interview he was crying and stated that he was hurt by the way that his colleague spoke to him and portrayed him, and subsequently by the media who were reporting this story. There were two things that struck me about this incident; first, the fact that this young man was able and willing to talk about his more vulnerable feelings and second, the reaction of the media who were covering this story. The reporters seemed to be ridiculing this young man for honestly describing his feelings.

Through television, movies, sports, and other popular entertainment, men in our culture are socialized in a way that does not support this kind of expression of feelings. Often our men and boys are taught that anger and frustration are the primary feelings that they should express. More vulnerable feelings like sadness, hurt, and shame often elicit ridicule or judgment by others. Because of this socialization, boys and men suffer in their intimate relationships. They have a very small range of feelings that they are able to express. Their "feelings vocabulary" is quite limited.

In my work with men and boys, I have found that teaching them the basics of the feelings vocabulary helps open up more avenues and choices for how they can express themselves in their intimate relationships. Following, you will find a partial list of feelings words that will help the men and boys in your life be better able to express their emotions. These words will be grouped in such a way that will help them identify and explore what they are feelings.

Feeling Words

Happy	Affectionate	Sad	Hurt	Afraid	Angry
Festive	Close	Unhappy	Pained	Nervous	Irate
Content	Tender	Gloomy	Suffering	Fearful	Furious
Satisfied	Warm	Moody	Heartbroken	Frightened	Frustrated
Joyous	Loving	Discouraged	Upset	Horrified	Confused
Ecstatic		Ashamed	Offended	Scared	Annoyed
Peaceful		Embarrassed		Doubtful	Fuming
Enthusiastic		Useless		Anxious	Provoked
Thrilled				Worried	Enraged
Elated				Threatened	Boiling
Proud
Grateful

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Ray Fisher, LCSW is a Senior Staff Therapist in CFR's University City office and can be reached at 215-382-6680 ext. 4274, or by email at rfisher@councilforrelationships.org.

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