How to Become Your Best

Hafiz's sweet poem illuminates a second motivator for change. He reminds us that we need encouragement towards that which is wholesome in addition to our desire to avoid the harmful. In psychological terms, we want to reach for full access to our emotions and our desire to have close connections. For example, the anger-fearing person mentioned above deeply wants to have an equal place with others and wants to respect their own needs by making themselves and others aware of these needs. If they did not want these things, the defenses would not be as painful.

My "tip" for the week relates to how we can harness and nurture our desire to reach for the best in daily life. To this end, I'd like to offer a daily exercise which was introduced to me by a helpful meditation teacher. The steps are as follows:

1. Designate a time of day and a place to sit in relative quiet. I would suggest morning, just after awakening and a short amount of time, perhaps in the range of one to five minutes. In a bustling household, one may have to be resourceful with finding a workable location; some ideas are a car, a bathroom, or a basement. A timer or stopwatch may also be useful in to avoid having to track the time while engaged in the exercise.
2. Decide in advance to commit to this exercise for a period of time (one week for example) that seems achievable.
3. During the designated time, bring to mind a human quality (such as kindness, courage, honesty, determination, etc) that would help you with the kind of struggles you face within yourself or in your relationships with others. Or, more simply, ask "what quality would nourish me today?" You may keep your eyes open or closed according to your preference.
4. Imagine that this quality exists in abundance in the space in front of you. There are many ways to do this. For example, if working with patience, you might imagine an angel of patience or a patient person whom you know. Alternatively, you might imagine something less solid such as a light or an energy that you sense. Anything that gives you a sense that the desired quality is present will suffice.
5. Notice whether you have any sensations in your body that occur in response to the quality. For example, kindness and compassion might elicit a warmth in the heart area. If you experience such sensations, allow them to become vivid; they are your physical link to a needed virtue.
6. When ready, imagine a situation in which this quality would be useful and imagine yourself responding to the situation with the benefit of the quality you have chosen.